


There is No Excuse for Poor Grammar

by lookimadeahat



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Gotham (TV)
Genre: -Ish, Fluff, Future Fic, Mild Language, One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookimadeahat/pseuds/lookimadeahat
Summary: Edward, Oswald, and Victor are working together on a scheme. Unfortunately, not everyone gets along so well.Just a short, silly one-shot.





	There is No Excuse for Poor Grammar

“Done!” Zsasz exclaimed with a proud smile. Ed snatched the paper from his hands, eyes darting across the page rapidly.

“ _‘Won’t not’_?” He looked up at Zsasz, the expression on his face somewhere between exasperation and disbelief. “Fix it.”

“Oh, come _on,_ Nygma. It’s a ransom note! No one cares how it’s spelled,” Zsasz groaned.

“I care. There is never an excuse for improper grammar.” Ed extended the paper to Zsasz expectantly.

“Why don’t you do it?”

“What?”

“If it bothers you so much, you can fix it yourself,” Zsasz quipped, sticking his tongue out and pushing Ed’s hand away.

“Are you a _child?_ ” Ed asked as he rolled his eyes at the assassin’s actions, “Also, I’m not the fully-functioning _adult_ who used a double negative in a formal letter.”

“Which one aren’t you? Fully-functioning or adult?” Zsasz teased, earning him a sharp glare from the Riddler.

“Will you two just– _Enough!_ ” Penguin snapped, waddling over to the pair, “Zsasz, just fix the damn paper! We have plenty to worry about as is, and I don’t need _him_ unable to concentrate because his OCD won’t let him focus on anything but some error in a ransom note!”

“That is just _not tr_...fair,” Ed huffed.

“Can’t deny it, huh?” Victor prodded with a smug smirk.

Choosing to ignore the jab, Ed shot back, “How did you manage to screw up something as simple as ‘won’t’?”

“I was trying to say ‘will not’,” he grumbled, “Besides, I doubt I would have made that mistake if you hadn’t been so intent on playing with the hostage. How am I supposed to concentrate when you sound like you’re having so much fun?”

“ _You what?!_ ” Oswald demanded, turning on Ed in fury.

“Just a little bit,” Ed said, a valiant attempt at a contrite expression flashing across his face as he held his hands up in mock surrender. “To be fair, though...Zsasz already dislocated one of his shoulders on the way here, and I didn’t think it was fair that he got to do some damage and I didn’t get to do anything!”

“Zsasz dislocated his shoulder?” Penguin looked over at the seemingly-healthy assassin, confused.

“No, the hostage’s shoulder.”

“Oh,” he sighed in relief before realizing–”Wait, you _WHAT?!_ ” he shrieked.

“He was putting up a fight!” Zsasz whined, hands filled with letters cut from newspapers and magazines as he tried to glue over his error.

“You two are unbelievable.” He stormed out of the room, cane smacking on the ground as he grumbled to himself, “I might as well work with toddlers.”

 

“Are you done yet?” Ed snapped, materializing uncomfortably close to Zsasz.

“I would be if you had just left it alone...Or not decided we had to send the cops a stupid riddle!”

“That is my M.O.! It is important to me that–”

“You are _such_ an attention whore!”

 

Oswald reached the adjoining room, walking over to the captive, bound and tied to a chair. He grabbed handcuffs from the pocket of his oversized fur coat, clamping one end around a thin metal pole near the chair. He withdrew his knife from the handle of his cane and began cutting the ropes binding the hostage loose.

“What are you doing?”

Penguin didn’t answer, merely locking one of the hostage’s hands in the other cuff before the man could make any move to escape. He walked around and sat on the other side of the hostage with a grunt of pain. Withdrawing a flask from his pocket, he took a swig then offered it to his captive.

“I have a feeling we’ll both be needing this, Jim.”

The detective accepted the flask with a grateful smile.

“You’re a true friend, Penguin,” Gordon said, lifting the glass in a mock toast. This was going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if the 'relationship' tags are wrong. I didn't know if those meant romantic relationships or friends too.  
> Also, yay for my first one-shot/fluff-ish work. My first fanfic was so angsty I thought I should lighten the mood a bit.


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